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I love you in a language that I don’t fully understand.In words that I haven’t found enough courage to forklift out of my chest. I hear that karma is vengeful and also a light sleeper so I’ve chosen to love you like this. Quietly.
So I’ll call your phone and hang up before it actually rings. I’ll write you letters that you will never read. And when I see you in public, I’ll stick my hand inside of a bag full of things that I haven’t done since you left me and pull out a smile. I’ll say something like, “Hello, it’s nice to see you.”
And I’ll keep walking.

Saudade

Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again.

However, Saudade is not nostalgia. In nostalgia, one has a mixed happy and sad feeling, a memory of happiness but a sadness for its impossible return and sole existence in the past. Saudade is like nostalgia but with the hope that what is being longed for might return, even if that return is unlikely or so distant in the future to be almost of no consequence to the present.

Although ‘saudade’ relates to feelings of melancholy and fond memories of things, people and days gone by, it can be a rush of sadness coupled with a paradoxical joy derived from acceptance of fate and the hope of recovering or replacing what is lost by something that will either fill the emptiness or provide consolation.

“Sometimes missing something can’t be horrible. You cry and cry and cry… as if crying would make it go away, make you forget. Feeling saudades can also be not so bad. The feeling is also sugar-coated, you remember it with a grin, laugh about the memories and your heart is filled with this great intoxicating feeling. You feel happy that you have people and places to miss.”

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